Did you know that hospitals have hotels? Well, the really big ones do. Ones like MD Anderson-sized ones do. Once you step through the hotel doors, you immediately leave the sterile, white walls behind and enter into a soothing, green-tea smelling oasis, complete with waterfalls, free coffee, softer lighting (thank goodness), and friendly faces at the counter.

“Did I just step into a Westin?” I thought as Dad and I walked up to the counter.

It had been a long first day, and my brother and sister-in-law had left the building to stay with her sister, who happened to live close by the hospital. Lucky her.

My dad and I would stay at the hospital hotel. We could have easily stayed together, but my aunt was driving up the next day, and she would stay with me in a room. We got our keys, headed to our room on the same floor, made plans to meet for breakfast, and then hit the hay. We were both exhausted from the day, and talking just wasn’t on our minds.

The room was nice, spacious, and clean. But damn, it was lonely. My husband-to-be had driven the car and our dog Roxy home from Kansas, so he wasn’t there. The hustle and bustle of the hospital floor was gone, and there were no machines beeping constant little chirps. It was just me and my thoughts.

What the heck just happened?

I couldn’t sleep, so I dialed Jesse to chat for a bit. You can guess how it went. No good news, a lot of maybes, and a little bit of not so good at all thrown in for good measure. I hung up with him, and proceeded to scour the internet while trying to tire my eyes.

What the heck just happened?

I was just in Kansas at my family bridal shower, and mom should have been there. Dad should have been there. Where am I? Hey God, this timing is really crappy, by the way! You couldn’t wait, oh I don’t know, a few more months at least??? It’s been 9 years, what’s a few more months to you? I was pissed at God. Pissed.

At some point, amid the thoughts spinning in my head, I dozed off, and at some point way too early, my alarm went off.

I called Dad to see if he was up yet. He was. He was already up and back in mom’s room. I hurried to get ready, rinsed off, grabbed a new Target T, ripped off the tags, and was on my way back to the white box too. Crap, go back and get that sweatshirt. And coffee. And breakfast.

As I meandered through the hallways, I found a place to grab the aforementioned food items. I grabbed a couple of overly greasy sandwiches for dad and I, filled some coffee cups and made my way back through the hotel oasis.

Leaving one pretty, cozy, scented floor to cross over to the land of the cold, white abyss always made my stomach sink a little. And made my appetite for that sausage and egg sandwich pretty much non-existent. I waited for the automatic doors to slide open, took a deep breath, and walked in to the other side.

I’m coming, mommy.